


(Not) Alone In The Cold Night

by Cute_Little_Pigeon7



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Cold Weather, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, My First Fanfic, Oneshot, Past Character Death, Rhodestead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24789160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cute_Little_Pigeon7/pseuds/Cute_Little_Pigeon7
Summary: Will has a difficult time coping with a young patient's death, but Connor is there to help him.
Relationships: Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes (Chicago Med)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 74





	(Not) Alone In The Cold Night

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is my first fanfiction, I would be glad to receive feedback. Futhermore, English is not my native language, which is why it would be great if you could point out mistakes (especially with the past tenses).  
> Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it!

It was a cold evening in Chicago that became even colder as the sun disappeared under the horizon. The winter breeze brushed over Will’s hair as he was stepping through the snow, leaving footsteps on the ground. It was only a matter of time before they would fade and be covered by fresh flakes.

After he had left the hospital, he didn’t go to his car to drive home as usual, but instead he started to walk. Walk away from anything and anybody he knew; he just needed time for himself at this moment. At least that was what he told himself over and over again. But he couldn’t get rid of the feeling of emptiness deep inside him. His whole body felt numb and cold, so he didn’t even feel the frozen tears on his cheeks.

Today had been a tough day and soreness was all over Will, but he knew that he couldn’t rest, couldn’t sleep, as long as the thoughts in his mind were racing like an enraged horde of wild horses. 

*Why wasn’t I able to save her?*

She was so young – still a child – and deserved to live. How couldn’t he know the infusion he had ordered would cause an anaphylactic shock? He had killed her.

____________________________________________________________

They were utterly surprised when the alarm went off, signalizing a dropping blood pressure and deviation of the cardiac rhythm that soon turned into a cardiac arrest. Will, Dr. Choi and a few nurses immediately ran to the bed the girl was lying in. They tried to reanimate her, but she stood no chance because her organs had already failed – she was dead.

At first, Will couldn’t accept the flat line on the heart monitor. He continued the chest compressions until Dr. Choi gently but firmly led him out of the room.  
Time of death: 07:23 PM.  
His heart clenched as he saw the tear-strained faces of the parents that were hugging each other, trying to process the loss of their only child. They were good people. They didn’t even blame him for losing the most important person in their life. Nevertheless the guilt was overwhelming. For the rest of the day, he couldn’t think straight anymore, but somehow he managed to end his shift without hurting anyone further.

____________________________________________________________

“Pretty cold outside,” a soft voice from right behind him echoed through his head. He stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around, although he already knew who he would be facing.  
As he finally took a look at Connor, he immediately got captured by the other man’s eyes. They were full of worry, kindness, pity and… something else, an unknown emotion that Will yet had to decipher. At once, an enormous wave of heat floated through his spine, directly to his heart. He was sure that the world got a lot brighter at this very moment.  
He hadn’t realized he was staring at his friend for a long – too long – time, until Connor broke the silence between them again. “You okay?”

It wasn’t a question that needed to be answered though, because the surgeon exactly knew how Will was feeling right now. Having experienced those situations by himself before, he knew that no words of pity or encouragement would be helping. He knew the feeling of guilt pressing on the heart and lungs, making it hard to breathe. Therefore he knew as well that Will was lying by answering the question with a small nod and a forced smile.

“What do you think about going to Molly’s and having a drink?” Connor proposed. It was a thing – their thing – to go to this bar when one of them, or both, had a difficult time processing death or other problems.  
“No, thanks. I- I am not in the mood for that,” Will responded, his gaze went to his feet, not daring to look in Connor’s bright blue eyes again.  
“So you just want to stay outside and die from hypothermia?” The concern in the surgeon’s voice was audible.  
“No, I went here because I thought it would be best to be alone for a while,” Will stated quietly, still not looking at the other man. Obviously, this conversation was very uncomfortable for him.  
“Oh, okay,” a hint of sadness and disappointment suddenly washed over Connor’s face, “then I suppose I should leave now.”  
He hesitated for a few seconds as if he was waiting for Will to hold him back and to make him stay. But when nothing – except the smoke of the warm breaths encountering the cold air – came out of the red-head’s mouth, he lost all his hope and turned back to make his way to the subway that he frequently used to get home.  
When Will saw the distance between them increasing, panic rushed over him. His heart rate became faster and he could feel it pulsating in his head. In addition, there was this annoying inner voice called “conscience”.

*Say something, you idiot! You can’t let him go, he’s the only one who can make you feel better, and you know that. If you lose him now, you’ll lose him forever.*

The last thing Will wanted was to lose Connor, but he seriously asked himself how he could have a “normal” relationship with someone he loved so much that he couldn’t even look him into the eyes. And the problem was that he wasn’t sure whether Connor would reciprocate these feelings or would reject and hate him for that.  
But after a short mental fight, he could finally convince himself that it was worth taking the risk.

“I was wrong,” Will said. Although his voice sounded far more steady and confident than before, he was trembling and as nervous as he had been at the theater performance in the 6th grade.  
The surgeon turned around with a questioning look. “Huh? What do you mean?”  
“I was wrong by thinking that it would be better for me to be alone. I don’t want you to go, please stay with me.” With each word his tone became weaker and the last ones only came out as a whisper that barely could be heard. He felt pathetic and therefore desperately wanted to hide under a blanket, so Connor couldn’t see him like this. But unfortunately, there was no blanket; there was nothing except the other man.

Seeing the normally self-confident doctor so shy and embarrassingly touched resulted a small smile on Connor’s lips.

*How could anyone be as cute as him?*

He had to restrain himself not to hug and kiss him already. How often wanted he to tell Will what he was truly feeling about his colleague, but he was afraid of the answer he thought he would get.  
The dark-haired man made his way towards Will and positioned a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Of course I’ll stay with you, Will. I’ll always be there if you should feel the need to talk or not to talk at all. We can do this together, okay?”

Will’s lips started to twitch as he was trying to smile, but he was overwhelmed by emotions and couldn’t stop new tears from falling.  
This was the moment Connor decided to pull him into a firm hug that lasted several minutes. He held the other one that was crying and breaking down in his arms. Slowly he stroked soothing circles over Will’s back.  
They didn’t care about the cold anymore, because they could warm each other.

Both knew that there had always been something special between them, and now they were ready to find out what it was.


End file.
